Posted in Mental Health

Multipurpose Habits

I’ve been reading a lot of non fiction books. Self help mostly. Productivity, happiness, habits, success etc and there a few things they all seem to have in common. Exercise, eating well, gratitude, tiny steps, and mindfulness. Apparently all five are basically self help panaceas.

It makes sense. Exercise is good for both body and brain. I’m constantly fidgeting as I write and go out for walks when I’m consumed by anxiety. I love swimming too though I rarely get a chance to. I hate other exercise though and can’t seem to keep it up on my own in any other way.

Eating well keeps you healthy and at premium functioning too. Eating poorly does the opposite. For example I ate half a key lime pie today and got sick to my stomach. Whereas eating fruit peps me up. And having a protein rich breakfast helps me start the day out better.

Gratitude…. Well. I have clinical depression. My happiness baseline is set on ‘meh’ and that’s actually an improvement. Gratitude, while I can do it, it doesn’t have much effect on me. Apparently you can be grateful and miserable at the same time. And then you feel guilty about being miserable because you have so much to be grateful for because that’s what depression does for you. But maybe it just takes longer to do in these circumstances so I’m going to keep trying. I mean it won’t exactly do me harm.

Mindfulness is a big one. Just learning to live in the moment and accept things as they are without judgement is a game changer. It alters your brain in so many positive ways and you don’t need anything special to do it. Though I do love incense cones. There are so many benefits I forget them all. It’s just hard to do when you’re stressed so you have to practice when you’re not too.

Finally tiny steps, micro habits whatever you call them are the new big thing. You make the task or first step so small you barely need any energy at all to do it. Like I managed to put all my clean clothes away by just taking five hangers at a time (I hang up all my clothes. It’s easier to see and go through) and changing my sheets I start (while still lying in my bed) to put the notebooks and books and laptop down on the floor next to my bed, clearing it off. Then I kick off my comforter and pillows then change the sheets. Easy peasy, energy efficient steps I barely need any energy to do which is good because my depression takes away a lot of my energy.

You can apply the micro steps to anything else too. Exercise? Do it for one minute then add another minute each week. That gets you almost to an hour a day after a year. Mindfulness? A minute of meditation. Gratitude. One thing you’re grateful for. Eating well add or replace something with one fruit or vegetable. You have writing goals, write one sentence, or even just one word and go from there if you can.

These things all seem to just give you a better life in general. They come up everywhere. Even in mental health and basic self care. I’m not going to say it’s easy, but they’re obviously effective and micro habits make things easier to handle when you’re trying to make these changes. Try it out. Or look it up. The library has a lot of online books you can read or do micro learning on apps like Deepstash where I got most of my info.

I hope this helps anyone even just a little. Have a good day.

Posted in Mental Health

Daily Prompt 10/21

What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you could?

Waitressing. My short term memory is terrible and I never thought I’d be able to memorize the menu or get the orders right but I did okay.

Posted in Mental Health

Daily prompt 10/09

Tell us about your morning routine.

I wake up at around 630 and get up and dressed around seven thirty when I take my medication. I get ready for the van to my day program which comes at eight thirty and at nine I eat breakfast. That’s pretty much it.

Posted in My Writing

A Gifted Amatuer

I’m smart and I learn quickly. I always have been this way. I get bored quickly too. After a couple months of productivity I become restless and move onto the next project sometimes not even finishing the latest one. It’s not a problem though because I do this with my hobbies.

With most things I try I’m a gifted amateur. Mostly because I don’t have the passion to become more than that and I’m largely satisfied with that. I don’t mind being a jack of all trades. But I’ve come to realize that when it comes to my writing I may just be no more than a gifted amateur there too.

I say this because I wait for inspiration, which is apparently a big no-no for being a professional writer. You’re supposed to write a little each day no matter what because it’s work, hard work. But no when I’m done writing I’m just done, worn out and that’s all there is to it.

Of course this is usually because in my bursts of inspiration I wrote two or three books at a time, within a couple of months, and I burn out. I’ve written 30 books this way. Nothing traditionally published yet because I’m a coward, but I’m working on it. And I’m putting some stuff up on Amazon Kindle praying for luck because I can’t afford advertising.

I mean I’ve sold a couple ebooks so technically I’m a professional, and it’s not like my books are lacking. They’re just kind of different. I don’t really use classical literary devices. I don’t have a whole bunch of knowledge in any particular subject to show off and I write in the first person present tense for the entire book with the events happening in real time. And I know that’s weird.

But I love writing. And I love reading what I wrote and I love other people reading what I wrote. I guess that’s what’s really important, not whether I’m doing it right or wrong or if I’m professional enough or something. I just wish more people would read my stuff.

Posted in Goals

Plans of days gone by

The daily prompt made me think of it, but I used to have so many plans and ideas of things I could do. Ways I’d reform the system. Now I’m just struggling with living day to day beyond even what most people have to, though I’m blessed with a lot of help but social and government aid.

I had an idea for renovating condemned houses where the people who want the houses would contribute time and labor to build it and others houses themselves or do community service of some kind. This would help people without jobs get decent housing. I had a whole plan with regulations and such to to motivate people and reassure others that it was NOT a hand out and it’d be available to everyone who needed a permanent residence.

I had an idea for a large apartment complex for transitional housing fully furnished with sections for the elderly and for college students singles and families and guests too. The first floor would be let out to a grocery store, and a pharmacy and necessary stores. Plus a doctor’s office and a place for DSS to set up a branch. There’d be a child care co-op and a cafeteria where you could buy meals for cost. And a study area for kids with a tutor to help with homework. Jobs would be prioritized for residents and it’d be thirty percent of their income no matter how little. I called it Fahrudeen village.

And I designed apartment complexes and a system of business where everyone made seventy thousand a year no matter what with only the perks and benefits increasing as you went up the ladder with raises that match cost of living increases.

I had so many ideas and was able to do absolutely nothing because of my depression and anxiety. And the fact that I’m poor with only a partial college education. I wish I was rich so I could actually do these things. I wish I was healthy so I could at least take care of myself but life doesn’t always go the way you want it to.

Posted in Mental Health

Daily prompt 9/28

If you could start a new business right now, what would it be?

A store for craft supplies taking broken or torn clothing linens jewelry, yarn scraps, and bags and reducing them to their basic components. I’d make quilt patches out of the torn cloth and sell beads and buttons and clasps I’d even have a section for board game prices and cards so people with missing prices or cards could either sell them to me or buy the missing prices. I’d have old books and magazines for art use and have classes on how to use them, charging only for supplies. I’d have basic stuff too like thread and needles and crafting tools. It’d be open before and after working hours and I’d provide snacks for the classes which would be on a weekend.

Posted in Minor Irritation

Still next to no Internet

So the Internet is still being wonky. I still don’t know why but a ticket has been put in so someone should come take a look at it at some point.

I’ve been using the time when it’s down completely to study my old nutrition and Spanish textbooks that I bought a while ago. The nutrition book is fifteen frickin years old but most of the info still good. Meanwhile who knows how old the Spanish book is, and I don’t have access to the online resources and audio clips that make up half the lessons. But it’s still something.

I’ve been mostly reading manga since oddly enough that’s still available when the net is half working. Same with Deep Stash. Sometimes I do Stardew Valley but I’m definitely not as enthused by it as I once was.

Mostly I put off my chores. Like today I wanted to change my sheets, sweep the floor and hang up my laundry. I did none of that so far. I considered it and wrote in my journal instead and right now I’m writing this post instead of getting it done.

I’m still seeing Halal Monday Guy. So I have to get this done before I see him tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get it done with last minute panic. But I also have a family farm on Stardew Valley that I’m playing tomorrow with my daughter and mother before I see him and I have group before that.

Maybe I just won’t go to group. I don’t know. I never want to go honestly and I have plenty of time to do this stuff tonight. It just makes me feel so heavy you know. Like trying to do stuff with a mattress strapped to your back.

Well I’d better stop procrastinating and do something. Even if it’s just hanging up five pieces of clothes that’s something. Getting started is the hard part. But I guess I’ll do it anyway.

Posted in Mental Health

Daily prompt 9/25

Do you believe in karma?

I believe in consequences and benefits to actions that have farther reaching results than we can imagine but the idea of someone handing out punishments and blessings based on actions is a little hard for me to believe. Especially since my abusive exes haven’t been struck by lightening.