So, I’m at a point where I’m too stressed to function for the most part. I lost most of my appetite. I’ve lost my will to do anything but lie down, play games, eat things microwaved in coffee mugs, maybe write and watch comedians on netflix while thinking, I could probably do that. If I ever get out of bed.
My bed at the moment is a twin sized styrofoam matress thing that folds up into a child’s sofa. Part of that fold is doubling as my pillow. This is because of the bed bugs and my laziness of not wanting to put the bed together just to have to do it again every week or two for four to six weeks. It’s a lot more work to get out of bed from the floor and I’m horrendously out of shape from all the time I spend lying in bed and not going to the gym.
I haven’t been sleeping well either. Now. I’m in that sort of brain shut down mode where I lose words or the words don’t come out of my mouth in the right way. And my brain is forgetting things it shouldn’t forget about, like where I put things I literally just put down, the date and day of the week, and the general passage of time. I also forget that there are things I need to be doing outside my room. Aside from getting food and drink and going to the bathroom.
I’m writing a blog post right now because I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of comedians and writing and games and I feel miserable. I don’t know what to do with myself. And I haven’t written a post in a while.
I’m moving from my apartment. Because I have to because I didn’t speak up about the bedbugs in my room in a timely manner. Its a house, my new place. My room is in the attic, it’s bigger than my current room and it has it’s own bathroom with a shower. It’s farther away from my day program, but it’s reasonably close to a bus stop. I’m hoping I can still go there because I know everybody there and have friends there and its built into part of my routine. But it’s not like I haven’t been through this before. At least I’ll get to keep all my stuff this time. Though I’m thinking of getting rid of everything that doesn’t bring me joy. Alot of stuff I can give away at the program.
Part of me just wants to take my stuff to the dumpster, smash it up and set it all on fire. You know, if it wasn’t illegal. I feel very tired now, so I’m going to sleep. Lets hope I feel a little better in the morning.l
My Gordian Knot 