I did something today. I put the soil i bought into the three cloth garden beds I bought and the 5 seedling containers I bought. I got pretty dirty and still have dirt in and around my fingernails no matter how much I scrubbed. But those will come out when I wash my hair like they usually do. Weird how washing my hair cleans my hands and nails so well.
It didn’t take long either. Maybe half an hour. I dunno. It’s something and more than I’ve gotten done in a while. I have to do some other stuff today. It’s one of my laundry days so much need to do some laundry. I also need to bring up my clean laundry from my last laundry day and put it and the clean laundry from the previous time away. My next laundry day is Sunday. Maybe I’ll just work on putting my laundry away.
I also put the dishes away. I haven’t been pulling my weight when it comes to the chores here. I don’t clean my bathroom or room enough and I haven’t cleaned the kitchen on my days in months. I haven’t even just wiped off the counters or put dirty dishes in the dishwasher when I see them like I used to. I haven’t really cooked in a long time either. I’m going to have to soon because I lost my EBT card. There’s plenty of food but nothing Quick and easy to eat.
It’s probably a good thing. Necessity forces me to do things that are good for me. Like the no food stamps is going to make me actually cook. I made my bed when I heard a worker come in the I thought was another worker who might check my room. No clean clothes forces me to do laundry. And I’m having my medication monitored so That forces me to be consistent with it, which is very good for me.
It’s hard doing things. Even getting bored with everything else I usually do doesn’t help me do things I should do. There’s alot of things to do too. I can assemble my new desk and desk chair. I can clean the fridge which desperately needs cleaning. I haven’t done it in a while and my roommates suck at it. I need to clean the bathroom. I can plant seeds in the little seedling containers I got so they can start growing and I can maybe get some fresh veggies and stuff later this year.
I guess there’s alot I can do that would be good for me. Including a dancing game on my new Xbox and reading in my new hammock (so comfy). Or just relaxing and listening to music on it. Taking a shower definitely. It’s just kind of hard to get out of bed, you know. I feel heavy and tires and don’t see the point in much of anything.
I keep forgetting that immediate gratification is a reason to do stuff. Most of these things will make me feel better immediately. It feels selfish though to think that way. Doing things that make me feel good right away seems somehow wrong. Though it’s hard to find things that do. Even my games are less enjoyable than they are just distracting. The same with junk food after a certain point.
I want to spend some time with my boys. I don’t have the energy to play games or really interact too much. I kind of want to ask them to sing me a song or tell me a story just so I can hear their voices. That seems kind of silly to me. I mean I’m supposed to do that for them. I might ask anyways. At least they won’t feel neglected, you know or that I don’t want to be around them or something.
Maybe I can just have myself Do Things twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon. That doesn’t seem too overwhelming. Maybe. I’m not sure what should count as Doing Things. I’ll figure it out, I guess.
My Gordian Knot 