I am angry. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of being treated like crap and I’m tired of being forced into unnecessary difficulty by my housing program. I’m going to name names, Mosaic in Baltimore county is the source of my distress. I don’t like complaining like this and I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt but I have been pushed and Im more angry at the corporation than I am the people though I’m just as pissed at the people.
For the last twenty one days I’ve been at my ex’s house. My son got covid(a very mild case thank God) and I went to take care of him just in case it turned bad. I was under the impression that ten to fourteen days after he tested negative I could come home so long as I had a negative test. He was tested again a week after I got there, negative. I waited ten days got tested, accidentally got stranded at the testing site due to lack of wifi and a partially broken phone.
I called Mosaic to ask for help getting home to be told that no, I got it wrong. My son needed a negative test then ten days of quarrentine, then I needed an additional ten days of quarrentine before I could take the test and come home again. So twenty days after my son tested negative. No no no no no no no no no fucking no.
I was having a hard time because my ex is emotionally abuse to both me and the kids, though he tones it down when I’m there now, being around him is still stressful. The house is a cluttered mess which is especially stressful and there’s no counter space in the kitchen or proper cooking tools which makes meals stressful and I was stuck without a way to do laundry at all for three weeks which was extra stressful.
I have anxiety and depression and I’d already had two panic attacks there so when I was told this I had a bit of a breakdown. I even started crying my eyes out in public at the thought of going back. I begged for something to be done to get me out of there and she said there was nothing she could do until at least the next day(Monday). Great. I understood only I was still stranded. I ended up calling my ex and asking for a ride back to his place. I wasn’t sure he’d agree. Luckily he did.
I tried contacting her the next day but she didn’t answer her calls or respond to texts. (I had to get a texting app on my tablet because of my partially broken phone. I made sure to clarify it was me texting) I texted my residential counselor instead, despite being her time off because I was desperate and she’s the only one who ever actually answers me consistently. I hate doing it, but what else can I do when I don’t know who else to call? She got back to me and told me I could come home Friday after a negative test.
Great. Now I just had two problems, how to get more meds (which was resolved thank God) and how to get home from the testing site. I asked about a ride earlier today, for tomorrow. Asking too early often means that my request will be forgotten. I was ignored and not responded to yet again. My residential counselor told me I’d be on my own. My ex can’t give me a ride this time because his car is getting repaired and I still can’t contact Uber from express care. I want to fucking scream.
I’m angry at the way I’ve been treated with this whole thing. I’m angry at being blown off and I’m especially angry now that I’ve seen the CDC guidelines for quarrentine after being exposed to covid! I’ve been held to a higher standard than the fucking CDC requires for quarrentine and I am pissed the fuck off. I’ve been an anxious wreck trying to find a way home after testing. I’m not entirely sure I’ve found one and am afraid of another public meltdown when things go wrong.
Part of me wants to just take an Uber home tomorrow morning. My negative test five days ago was more than enough to certify that’s I’m covid free according to the CDC and I am tired of the emotional distress I’ve been put through because of this. The fucking UNNECCESSARY emotional distress I’ve been put through. I feel like just going home and demanding that if they want me to take the test they have to provide transportation to and from. I’m tired of this shit. So, so tired and angry and frustrated and just gahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
The other part wants to just do what I’m told and put up with the stress and not cause trouble or a confrontation. Right now though I fucking WANT a confrontation. I want to cause them trouble and I want to cause them distress for blowing me off like they did. I want to force their fucking hand because I’m tired of being treated like I don’t matter! Am I in the wrong? I don’t think so but I’m not exactly objective. I’ll probably just back down and despise myself for backing down. Just once I want to Stand up for myself and tell someone to go fuck themselves. I really do.
My Gordian Knot 