So in January I succumbed to temptation. I joined weight watchers. I then immediately got covid and was sick for a little over. It was a free month which was annoying at best, but I figured as long as I tracked and just focused on getting better it’d be alright. It kind of was okay. I lost eighteen pounds being sick the first few weeks then gained almost all of it back the next once I was able to eat again.
I wasn’t well enough to cook, you see. I was eating pretty much nothing but instant noodle cups. Granted I had a variety and there were veggies and stuff in there. But I was craving sweets too and ate a butt load of jello and fruit cups and stuff like that on top of it’s I even gave in and ordered cinnamon buns which I ended up eating most of as soon as they came. I was just starving.
Now I’m actually feeling hunger in the morning, which is good. I usually don’t. Probably because of eating too much for dinner and things like that. Of course being hungry I still crave sweets like nobody’s business. I looked it up and that means that I might have a magnesium deficiency. I ate magnesium rich foods yesterday when I was craving sweets this bad and it actually worked.
I’m glad I feel well enough to cook again and to tell the truth weight watchers point system helps me focus on eating healthier and adding more veggies to my diet. But I think I might do okay this time because I was able to go easier on myself for not being able to follow the plan when I was sick and was able to keep trying now that I’m not. Of course the fact it’s cost $30 to cancel before five months helps too.
Plus this time I have a diet buddy. We’re not both doing weight watchers but we’re taking pictures of our healthy meals and sharing it with each other. It’s kind of nice. And encouraging. Eventually I’ll start exercising. My roommate got an exercise bike that we haven’t used yet and I can stream yoga on my tv. But that’s going to be harder. One step at a time, you know. I just have to make sure not to be too hard on myself. This isn’t going to be easy at all.
I’m a little concerned that it may trigger my bulemia again. I was tempted to throw up when I started down a bunch of cinnamon rolls, what with being so hungry, but I did okay. It’s stressful failing especially with food. It’s always tempting when I concentrate on my weight. Mostly because by throwing up I’m undoing a mistake, something that I can’t do most of the time. Granted it’s making another even worse mistake, but eating disorders aren’t sensible.
If it gets to be a problem again I’ll quit weight watchers but i do need to eat better, healthier. My cholesterol is terrible and my blood sugar is very high. Not high enough to be prediabetic but close enough for concern. Plus I’m having problem with my knee now. It’s probably from being in bed so much thanks to covid and having to stay home so much, but my weight isn’t helping things either. I don’t know. Everything is dangerous so it’s hard to know what to do. I just have to try my best, you know.
My Gordian Knot 