About

Hi, my name is Rebecca, and I suffer from Depression and Anxiety.  I had intended to make my site about just whatever popped into my brain. For fun, you know, but the truth is most of what takes up my brain is my own mental illness and trying to deal with it. I have them both pretty bad.

Without my medication I get so depressed I can’t do anything, can barely move and progress to suicidal fairly quickly. My anxiety gets out of control and I can get paralyzed by decisions and anything that makes me nervous. With medication I can function, just not well. It keeps me at a nice base line but it’s very easy to upset the balance.

I can’t maintain a job. I’m living in supportive housing, which I hate to admit is what I really need right now, if only for the stability and lack of stress about bills and such. I have so many severe life stressors. The truth is I don’t have great coping skills and at 43 so many negative thoughts and habits have ingrained themselves in my neural pathways, it’s a massive struggle to even correct one.

I have my good points. They make you list them often enough in treatments that I should know them. I’m creative, intelligent, resourceful, a good cook, etc. but while my IQ is high my EQ is way down there. While my meds are stable and working (sometimes they stop and I need new ones) I’m trying to retrain my brain to better handle all these emotions and situations that just build up and break me down so easily.

I’m slowly improving on a lot of things. I’m better at cleanliness, though it is and will remain a reliable barometer of my mental health. I’ve figured out how to view and use affirmations and gratitude, and have stuck to it for over a month now, even with a few failures, so that’s progress. And writing on this blog has actually helped a lot. And I hope that my thoughts and experiences living with my mental illness has been and will be helpful for other people as well.

At the very least I want to let people out there struggling with the same struggles I am, know that they’re not alone. But my best hope is that my blog will eventually help lead me to some real solutions that will help me and other people deal with their problems a lot better. Even if it doesn’t do either, at least it’s a way to improve my writing skills, so there’s no way to lose.  Good luck with your own journey and I hope you get something out of mine, even if just entertainment.