So it seems my staying power for just about anything long term is about 3-6 months. I just didn’t have the spoons for it anymore. The horrible thing is that it was working. It was working great and I wasn’t having serious sugar cravings. I’d gotten the groceries down finally so it was cost efficient. And I was losing weight. I’d gotten under 300 for the first time in years. Sure it was only a twenty pound loss over several months, but it was after a lot of setbacks and difficulties, too. Hospitalization. Spending a week in a place with only a tiny fridge and no counter space for cooking. Figuring out cheat days. I was pretty proud of myself for sticking with it. And then all the life got sucked out of me.
I lost my energy, and I mean completely. I got writer’s block, severe writer’s block that I’m still having trouble with. I can’t focus on much of anything for a long period of time. And I just don’t have the energy for cooking most of the time. I somehow managed to overspend with my food budget, too once off my diet, and get hooked on eating fruit and cheese plates which are plates of grapes and another fruit cut up, one or two ounces of cheese and half a sleeve of ritz crackers. Which wouldn’t be so bad I guess. but I over eat for the other meals.
We get served breakfast and lunch at a program I go to which can often not be low calorie. Plus sometimes we get extra. There are generally a lot of carbs and sweet things that I end up eating more of than I should. The same for lunch. I was doing okay at first but I just keep eating more and more and more and now instead of maintaining my weight, I’ve started gaining again. I’m hungry all the time, too and stressed and can’t stop picking at my face which I’m not blaming on the diet but probably caused by the same thing that’s knocked me off my diet.
The truth is I want to pick myself up and get back on it again, but it’s always been hard for me after trying so hard and failing continuously. Even if it works, it’s hard to get myself psyched up for it again. I can’t help but feel that the pattern of trying and failing will just continue so why bother trying again. It’ll just be a lot of wasted energy. Part of me knows that’s not true, that the important thing is to keep picking myself back up again, and keep going. But the other part just tells me it’ll just end up the same way all over again and I won’t make any real progress.
The mental walls are the hardest to break down. I honestly don’t know what to do about it. It not only discourages me but saps my energy in the bargain. Cooking, which is essential for an affordable low carb diet seems especially burdensome right now. Of course so does reading and writing and doing just about anything at the moment. That’s depression I guess. It’s not the worst I’ve felt but it’s bed enough to keep me from the things I enjoy, and I do actually like cooking. It’s just thinking about it right now makes me feel heavy and tired. I don’t know maybe I can just work on reducing my portions until I get my energy back or something.
Maintain my weight loss instead of gaining everything back. I have no idea if I can do it. I don’t know if I have the energy for that kind of self control. But I’ll figure something out. I don’t want to undo the progress I made and I don’t want to become a slave to my cravings again. If anyone has any tips or ideas that could help me, please let me know. Even some no cook options for low carb meals if you have them. Thanks.